How to Deal with Regret

Emotions fall into three categories:  useful emotions, indulgent emotions or not so useful emotions.

When you think about regret, which category would you put it in?

Regret can be useful if we use it to make a change in our lives.

If we are using regret to blame ourselves for something that we didn’t do or for something that happened in the past, then regret is not useful.  It’s painful.

If regret is a quick flash of a moment and the thought is “Hey, I could have done that differently” then we can adjust now and make this useful.

When our mind is living in the past with all our perceived mistakes it doesn’t feel good.  It certainly does not propel us forward. It keeps us stuck.  It can be painful and heart wrenching.

There are 2 things you can do.

• You can look back and regret your decisions
• You can look forward and create new ones

Which feels more productive to you?

A thought that I like to think is “What’s meant to happen does”.  We know this to be true because it did.  Period.  It happened and we cannot change the past, but we can change how we think about the past and how our stories end so they don’t hurt us any longer.

I am a Sex, Love + Relationship coach.  I teach high achieving women how to strengthen their relationships, overcome mindset roadblocks and increase their capacity for intimacy, love and sexual expression. Guaranteed. If you are ready to work with a life coach and drastically improve your life, I invite you to sign up for a free consult and learn more about 1:1 coaching.  It is risk free. Please visit me at https://melissamcclaincoaching.com/consult/

Suffering comes from our personal stories about pain.  It’s our personally written story of what happened in our life.  I can relate and will share one of my stories.

Thirty years ago, when I was a mere 21 years old, I met an older handsome Italian on vacation in Long Island, New York.  We immediately hit it off, had great sex and ultimately a great trip.  He visited me.  I visited him but the relationship fizzled.  I was so young, untraveled, and insecure. Deep down I was in an internal mental battle with myself that I was unable to receive true love from someone else.

We connected 30 years later.  We, both in long term relationships.  His story is that he told me he loved me while we were having sex and I said nothing in return.  He said it only one time and I being the insecure young woman that I was, didn’t believe him.  He made up his own story about what that experience meant to him and something he never forgot.

Now, because 30 years later because there is that same desire that lives, I could kick myself in the ass for all the things I could have done.  I could have had my shit together.  I could have been more mature.  I could have taken a leap of faith and gone to college in New York. I could have said “I Love You” back.  I could have done a lot of different things.

When I think like that, it fucking hurts.  There is nothing good that can come out of that story.  Seriously, it’s a waste of tears and energy.  I had to feel all these feelings. Really feel them all the way through and I will admit I felt devastated.  I wanted to hurry through the hurt, I wanted to not feel that way and push it away but when you don’t take the time to feel your feelings all the way through it just comes back.

My new story is I met a gorgeous Italian on vacation in New York, we had an incredible experience together and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him.  We were never supposed to be in a long-term relationship because it never worked out that way.  It was never supposed to be that way. We know this to be true because that’s what happened.

I have no regrets, only fond memories.  I have an amazing life. I was able to travel the world, date numerous gorgeous men, even a wonderful Italian in Italy. All of these experiences make me who I am today, and I would not change that for the world.

So, can you see how looking forward and creating new decisions serves me?

It instantly dissolves regret.

Here is a good book to read from Byron Katie Who Would You Be Without Your Story?

You can stay where you are, or you can think about you’re your stories in a different way.

It’s like building a staircase between the upstairs and downstairs.  Vulnerabilities and stories that exist in people’s minds live in the basement.  Upstairs is the cognitive level.  In a world of desires, the basement is where you can connect with yourself.  Some people just live in the main floor of their lives, and they don’t understand or drop down into themselves.

This can be hard work alone.  If you knew how to do it, you already would have.

This is where I can help you.  I am a Sex, Love + Relationship coach.  I teach high achieving women how to strengthen their relationships, overcome mindset roadblocks and increase their capacity for intimacy, love and sexual expression. Guaranteed. If you are ready to work with a life coach and drastically improve your life, I invite you to sign up for a free consult and learn more about 1:1 coaching.  It is risk free. Please visit me at https://melissamcclaincoaching.com/consult/

You are beautiful.  You are worthy.  You are seen.  You are always worth the investments you make in yourself.  Choose you first.  Always and forever.