The Poison of Should
The word should seems like a non-cholent word. Using this word to describe things you “should” be doing. Being thoughtful about the words you tell yourself will help you grow from where you are.
“Should’s” keep us stuck. They do not move us forward. They are also just thoughts we are having about other people and comparing ourselves with them. They cause us frustration and envy. They limit the scope of our possibility.
Clinging to should’s is like eating poison every day.
Take a moment to think about some of your should’s. Here are some to ponder..
- I should be farther along in my career right now
- I should be making more money at this point in my life
- I should have orgasms every time I have sex
- I should be married by now
- I should have a kid, more kids, no kids
- I should be better at sex
- I should be more confident
- I should be in a better relationship
- I should take better care of myself
- I should prioritize my mental wellness
- I should hire a life coach
- I should weigh less
The list is endless. The goal is to get all those should’s you are thinking about right now and write them down so we can take a look at it.
Ask yourself, where do those should’s come from? Consider the source. Why should you be this way? Do this? Accomplish this? Who said this was better? Do you want to continue believing it? Get very curious and question it all. Think about what is true and authentic for you today. Listen to the whispers of your soul, this is your intuition.
Step 2.
Questions to ask yourself
- Where am I at right now?
- Where do I want to go?
- What is the path I will take?
Organize this part in topic columns. This could include your career, personal wellness, family, travel, luxuries, relationships, sex life, etc. Then ask yourself, how do they make you feel? Feelings could be happy, fortunate, thankful, powerful, excited, etc.
Authentic desire is a different feeling vs the feelings from should.
The feeling you have is always your anchor for your thoughts. Take off the should lens and question them. Let go and replace with empowering beliefs.
I am a Sex, Love and Relationship Coach. I teach smart driven women how to love themselves unconditionally, listen to their intuition and prioritize their emotional wellness. You can learn more about me and book a FREE discovery call here www.melissamcclaincoaching.com
As I life Coach, I teach you how to deliberately think on purpose. It can feel like our thoughts are something we don’t have control of. This just is not true. The first step is to notice and become really aware of what you are thinking and why. Is the thought on purpose? Why do you think it? Do you want to think it?
Don’t allow your thoughts to just happen to you. Watch and notice your thoughts. They are always optional.
Become the watcher of your brain.
Once you are aware of your thoughts, the feelings they cause and how your react, you can begin trying to catch yourself before you react.
Allowance is key here. When you allow your thoughts and feelings and are aware of them, you can then choose differently, eventually getting to a place of directing your thinking before you feel or react.
Back to your authentic desire. Now that you have done your should work and know where you want to go, try on some different words that are empowering vs should.
Empowering words vs should
- I can
- I decide to
- I can choose to
- I will
- I want
Raise your awareness. Should is always disempowering.
Should is poison. Start catching yourself, write it down and question it. Play with other empowering options and add a deadline to it. This can happen in baby steps but really hold yourself accountable. Pick one topic at a time and work on it. The worst thing you can do is beat yourself up and become overwhelmed. Love yourself unconditionally and accept where you are right now. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. You can only begin to make changes when you become aware of your thoughts and the results they are driving in your life.
The more we can accept reality, the more we can love what is. Peace = Loving what is.
This is the type of work we will do together in my 1:1 “You Can Heal Your Life with Radical Self Love” course. 12 weeks, you and me. This is a life game changer.
I am a Sex, Love and Relationship Coach. A life coach helps you up level your life. When you work towards something or change something in your life you are up leveling. Together we work on your future vs being past focused.
You are beautiful. You are seen. You are enough. You are loveable. You are worth the investment in yourself.
I will always believe in you.
