Loving oneself is loving unconditionally with all the scrapes and bruises that have been acquired throughout life. It’s showing up authentically exactly who I am all the time. I used to not do that. I used to be so self-critical that it was debilitating. I would buffer away feelings of unworthiness and not belonging. I created stories in my mind based on severe judgements I had on myself and life circumstances that were thrust upon me as a little girl. When you judge yourself so critically, you cannot help but show up in life judging others.
What if we just let humans be humans? Let adults be and do. I cannot control anyone. No one can. Letting people show up as their true authentic self is such a freer way to live. Giving yourself grace first and foremost is a healthier way for you to experience life. Mentally digesting life on purpose and everything that comes across your path as a way of pure growth feels better.
I used to judge myself because of my upbringing.
I used to think I was unlovable because my father committed suicide. Think about that. I created a hurtful story in my brain on why this could have happened at age 7. If I was more loveable it would not have happened. Surely, one should love their kids more than themselves no matter what was going on in his brain?
The truth is, everyone has their own journey they are on. Sometimes people get so far down in the darkness they cannot see the light. They cannot just close their eyes and sleep away the feelings of depression and sadness. I have been there. I have felt what it is like to be so depressed that I no longer wanted to be here. I was in my 20’s kicking myself up and down everyday for not being perfect. Not coming from the perfect family. Having this type of death in my family at such a young age. No one else experienced that. It became more of a feeling of shame that I would just bury because if anyone really knew my authentic story, they would also not like me. If I didn’t love me there really is no way for me to accept love fully from someone else.
As it turns out you do meet people along your journey that frown upon your life experiences. They are so self-critical of themselves they spew that onto others. I have had a boyfriend’s mother frown upon me because I was raised in a single parent home. She definitely did not want her son to have a relationship with that kind of girl. I have had a former close friend who would say insensitive things like “I don’t want my kids to date anyone who comes from a divorced home”. I had a manager who I shared some history with who said “that comes with A LOT of baggage”.
People judge. Let them. The more successful you are the more judgement comes. Have thick skin. There is nothing you can do and really, I don’t give a shit anymore. I have not for a long time. I like people well rounded. I am more open minded than most. I am not religious with a lot of rules but more of a spiritual person for my mind, body and soul. I am really deep. I will look into your eyes and really listen to you. I want to hear your story and I promise I will never judge. In fact, it is so attractive to me that you can get there. That you too can be so unapologetic honest and so authentic about your life. This is how people learn and grow as humans.
Humans don’t learn and grow by judging themselves and others harshly. It just keeps you back. Be brave. Have courage. Share your fucking story out loud and you will find your kindred souls.
You will never be able to have all the people like you all the time. Keep your circles small and with loving open energy. I do. It feels good. It feels so much better.
I believe you can live a life without mental pain. You get to decide how you live this precious life. We can do this together. I will always believe in you.
