Acceptance is the peace we seek as humans. Feeling relaxed vs feeling tight. When we tense up it makes it so hard. When we are not connected to what is we are in our monkey minds where a zillion thoughts roll around all day.
All suffering comes from wanting things to be different than they are. When you argue with reality you will lose 100% of the time. You will suffer 100% of the time. There is never an upside to arguing with what is.
We want to argue against what we are feeling, what we are thinking about, what our partners are feeling and doing, the weather, the past, mistakes, etc.
Are you arguing with reality? When you become aware and allow, you can start to master emotional balance.
We are all humans having a human experience. We are supposed to feel emotions. We will feel pain and sorrow where it feels like it is going to kill us inside. We are not always going to be happy. Life is 50/50. 50% of the time you will feel good and 50% of the time you will feel bad. However, suffering is a choice. When we become aware of how we are feeling and allow that emotion, we can begin to unravel thoughts that tell us something must be wrong with us for feeling this way.
Allow what is so. Shutting down and resisting emotions is where we suffer.
When we shut down and resist, we tend to buffer to not feel. Buffering is when we reach for other things rather than being present with what is. This could look like drinking, smoking, drugging, shopping, and overindulging in anything other than being present with what is.
When you allow, you are willing to feel. It’s a practice. It’s giving yourself permission to be in the moment to whatever you are feeling. When you resist you tell yourself things like I should not feel this way, something has to be wrong with me, I am such an asshole, I cannot believe I did that, let someone do that, did not see the warning signs… the list goes on and on.
Your power is in the present. Right here, right now. This is our human life. This is how I am feeling in this very moment and so it is. No judgment.
I am a Sex, Love and Relationship Coach. I teach smart driven women how to love themselves unconditionally, listen to their intuition and prioritize their emotional wellness so you can get out of your own way and experience the life of your dreams. You can learn more about me and book a FREE discovery call here @ https://melissamcclaincoaching.com/consult/
We are never taught the art of allowing. We can never get the results we want if we are “not here” in the present or stay “out there” with resistance and tightness to what is.
Know the difference between resisting and allowing. Stop and breath. Acceptance feels like openness and lots of options. Allowing what is. It is like this right now and that is ok. It’s like a mentor really loving on you vs self-blame. I am alive. I am ok. I am doing to the best I can at this moment. It’s being there for yourself.
When we resist and shut down, we tighten up, cling to the past or resist something in the future. Let’s look at a broken heart. A lover that left you. A relationship that never really got off the ground for so many reasons or simply needed to end. It sucks. The feeling of a heartache and sitting with that sadness without trying to move so fast to feeling better… sucks. But this is the medicine. Not resisting. Feeling the feels for however long it takes. Everyone is on their own journey. It’s being aware of thoughts you may start to tell yourself like judgement for how you feel. It’s being a watcher of your mind and catching those painful thoughts that you are adding on in addition to the loss in your life.
When you learn to allow, you became fully aware of managing your mind vs your mind making up stories and managing you. It’s getting to healthier place of no longer arguing with the past. Instead of disconnection and mentally abusing yourself, you are connected to this very moment and what is. It feels so much better. You can wrap a big warm cozy blanket around yourself and love yourself and all your bumps and bruises you will acquire with thing called life. You get to choose. You choose not to suffer. You get to tell yourself any ending to this story that you want. There are no thought police. Everything unfolds the way it is supposed to. You may not see it the height of true pain and sorrow, but if you learn to master your mindset you will.
Questions to ask yourself
- What can you not allow?
- What are you refusing to accept?
- What emotions do you not want to feel?
Answering this thoughtfully and honestly creates awareness and is the first step to change. When we cannot allow ourselves to do this work, we are disconnecting ourselves from ourselves in our human experiences called life. Life is a flow. It is fluid like the ocean waves. It rises and falls. Things come in and they go out of you. We get sick and we get well. We have freshness with each unfolding moment. This is life. Life holds all of it.
Pain is inevitable. It is part of the human experience. Suffering is optional.
Think of this like arrows. The first arrow is the pain, sorrow, grief. You stubbed your toe. Someone left you. Someone died. The sorrow you feel is the pain and is completely normal. The second arrow or arrows is all the other thoughts you have about this experience. I am so stupid. People will think I look ridiculous. I knew I should have never trusted him/her. I don’t want to live alone. I will never meet anyone else. All of these thoughts create more emotions and judgement with ourselves causing additional suffering on top of the suffering from the loss. Can you see this? It’s a never-ending circle of emotional abuse that you are inflicting on yourself. This is optional. When you can step aside as those 2nd arrows are moving past you and be present so you can just see it and not believe it, you are mastering emotional balance.
The is a practice and a Life Coach can guide you, love on you and be with you every step of the way.
When we allow an emotion and feel the original pain and sorrow it will begin to dissipate. This is true power. We are not giving it any additional energy or thoughts. We are just allowing the pain.
Allow. Step aside. Stop the story.
What is the upside to thinking self judgement thoughts? Zero. Judging ourselves for having painful thoughts. Resistance is trying to hurry up the original feeling. Just wanting to feel better and back to normal fast. Not wanting to feel this way or that way keeps us stuck. If we can just allow the human experience, life will be so much better.
Allowing is freedom. Peace in what is.
If you want to master your emotional well-being in your Sex, Love + Relationships, I can help. Book a FREE discovery call to learn how @ https://melissamcclaincoaching.com/consult/
You are beautiful. You are seen. You are enough. You are loveable. You have always been worthy. You are worth the investment in yourself.
I will always believe in you.
